First of all, I want to apologize for causing a scene a while ago. The last thing I would want to happen is for people to think na “mahadera” ako para maginarte diba. Sorry if I seem narrow minded, just got caught in a mix of emotions.

I’m just ashamed of myself, I can’t help but feel that I was demoted. I know you keep trying to explain to me that there are no sections ranking. Actually, it is starting to sink in to me now that there really is none. But still, I’m deeply bothered by this.

Circle was my first choice because I thought that it was a good idea to write hard and soft at the same time. Academic subjects are more on hard news so I wanted to do light write-ups about arts and culture. Although, nangangapa pa lang ako sa section na yun, I was enjoying it kaya oks lang.

Imagine I was so enthusiastic about it that I began checking the arts and culture section of all the daily broadsheets for possible stories ever since I got admitted to circle.

It came to me as a surprise that I was moved to the witness section but I want to clarify that I have nothing against the witness writers and the section itself. It is just that “witness writing” is totally alien to me. Clueless ako and I am not into the church beat. Oo religious ako pero I don’t think I’m up for it.

So ano ba ang iniinarte ko? Ang saakin lang, it’s hard to do something you’re not interested in. I have to endure writing about things that I don’t fully care about aside for the sake of fulfilling my duties as a staffer.

At first I was very excited about writing for the v but after this thing came up I pondered and realized that things will be very hard for me.

Demoted? Yes I think so. I can’t help but think that this was what happened. First, I never believed in my writing skills, I’m not even sure if I can really write. I have really low self-esteem, a reason why I did not join my friends when they tried out for the hiring of summer staff 2007. imagine I only got 77 for the specialized exams, to think that the highest was like 84? This is so shameful, I am a journ student and I am in my senior year and that is all I can get? I tried to brush that thought off but I can’t help thinking that maybe this is a wake-up call to me, that I’m not fit for this. Maybe I was just too ambitious and such a crappy writer.

Anyway, it seems like I have no choice but to get on with it. See, quitting also came to my mind but I remembered that my admission to the v was a reason why my friends stayed, so leaving would be unfair to them. I owe them a lot. Sorry that I cried, I just can’t help it although I tried my best not to but when people started talking to me and comforting, my eyes just welled-up without my consent.

I wanted to cry some more tonight but I can’t let anyone in the house see that I am sad because they will order me to quit. I always have to pretend that I am happy with all the decisions that I make, so I have to put up a face when I arrived and told them that the v staff had a celebration and we ate so many delectable courses that is why I came home late.

Ok this is getting a bit dragging. Too long for a post but seeing that you made it till here, I guess you’re pissed off by now. So pardon the drama and sincerity. Don’t worry by tomorrow it’ll seem that nothing happened. Not even a trace of it.

To my former section co-writers thanks sa sobrang short time hehe. Huy aya may story akong nahanap para sau text nalang kita hehe may utang pa akong story sau diba. Buti nalang nag ka collab tau bago ako nalipat. :p