vacant_junk_lot (where i dump these thoughts)

Wednesday, April 18, 2007
10:26 AM

cartons, boxes, kahon

"ang weird noh, bilog ang mundo pero buong buhay natin puro kahon. pagkapanganak mo kahon [crib], buong buhay mo magtatrabaho ka para mauwi rin sa isang kahoy na kahon na ilalaglag rin sa isang kahon"

what are the things we can usually find in a box? some crap, gifts, keepsakes and things molded by the limited space in the box.

our lives were made by the different boxes that were created by who-knows-who. upon existing we are to make a decision in one way or another which box we would like to slip our lives in. some people can't find which box they really belong and prefer the variety box (a mediocre box) a nothing to lose, nothing to gain box but a box that lacks identity. i once chose this box but felt the need for uniqueness. that is the only thing i love about these boxes it doesn't have physical locks, all abstract. mental. we can always choose to stay or leave that box and switch to another.

now what i hate about these boxes, i hate the way it boxes us in. boxes have labels and if you choose to settle in one with a certain label you'll have to comply. that is not really that hateful right? especially if you chose that certain box because that is where you feel you belong. BUT, when something arises that isn't coherent to our box label, we restrain ourselves. violating human nature, our true heart.

BOXES are made by ideals, norms, selfless deeds and personal satisfaction.(instilled to convince your own self) whether we like it or not, we choose our box and we live by it one box at a time. we can't really have everything in life. i need another refresher of the definition of freedom...

"it doesn't matter whether we come in an 8 pack or 16 pack... we are a box of crayons.. we color our pages [life]....I say we color out of the lines" - man in a "sailboat autmobile", waking life

(writer's note: pwede...serious mode ako ah..antok na kasi.. :p)

think happy thoughts!

(0) comments

Freeze - melt

i recently watched this movie entitled "Love so divine" (yea, you thought that right. another korean creation but i hope this fact will not discourage you in reading what this post really is about.)

the movie was lovely! suits hopeless romantic wallflowers like me who fanatsizes over reel perfect love stories. there was a part in that story when the lady protagonist watched a group of children play freeze-melt game. if you are not familiar let me brief you with it, we [filipinos] have our version of this game called "Solid, Liquid, Gas" still ain't ringing a bell? the mechanics is simple, the "it" tags a person and declares him either solid or gas, wherein that person should stand in his place and act solid like a statue or in the case of being casted as "gas" act like a floating matter. those tagged by the IT remains in that manner unless someone who hasn't been tagged comes to sort of save them by turning them into liquid (well not literally of course). the Korean version on the other hand is only constituted by two forms of matter solid and liquid. this just proves how creative and righteous Filipinos are (REALLY WIDE SMILE). tsk tsk.. such a shallow realization...

anyway that introduction was misleading. going back.. so she was watching and said that she felt sorry for "It" because it was like one-sided love. she did not explain further, that was all that she uttered. that was such a nice comparison (sorry can't think of the literary term for that, for pete's sake its 2am and my mind's not cooperating well hehe.)

THE PROBLEM with one sided love, the "It" will only get tired desperately trying to make another person freeze for her while others will always come to melt him and run away with them. one sided love does not reciprocate and no matter how much you want them to just freeze and stay with you it will not. it will not, unless he willingly freezes for you.

mushy nanaman! wahahaha..adik... tao parin naman ako..buti naman...nakakakaba kasi minsan haha..

think happy thoughts!

(0) comments Wednesday, April 11, 2007
6:49 PM

Movie Review: My LOve Ssagajy

director: Shin Dong Yeop
cast: Kim Jae won (<-luv u! :D) (starred in wonderful life)
Ha Ji Won (starred in Sex is Zero, love so divine, Something happened in Bali pro sa RP Memories in Bali)
release: 2004

other titles (dami eh): 100 days with Mr. Arrogant, My Crazy Love, Slave Love
synopsis:
a highschool girl Ha Young (ji Won) was dumped by her boyfriend (who was younger than her) on their 100th day anniversary. out of feeling miserable she kicked a soda can lying on the street. unfortunately it landed staright on the forehead of a suuper hot college student Hyung joon (Lord Ahn), who definitely has no interest in girls and is such a meanie, this caused him to bump his Lexus 430 on a brick wall. he wanted ha young to pay for the damage and demanded $3,000??! ha young couldn't pay that much so she escaped him but in her hurry she left her wallet. hyung Joon started chasing after her and made an enslavement agreement for 100 days. she was indeed slaved by master ahn (can't forget the sailor moon scene). one day, she learned that a scratch repair only costs 10 bucks she decided to get even with him. eventually, they seemed to like each other despite being very mean to each other.

opinions ko:
masayadong hyper active umarte c ha ji won dito, may pagka exagge pro aus lang naman. basta ang hot ni kim jae won hehe. pero ngayon ko lang siya nakitang umarte na masama ang ugali nia coz he usually portrays good guy roles.mejo nasobrahan ung sama kasi lagi niyang binabatukan c ji won. ok tong film na toh if you're up for some fun and entertainment. nakakatawa talaga siya medyo disgusting lang yung ibang scenes but i like it. however, mejo imposible yung storyline kasi sobrang salbahe talaga silang dalawa i mean pano magugustuhan ang isang tao pero i like it hahaha. hindi kasi mushy noh! haha basta nakakatawa toh. kahit ang daming nagsasabi na korni daw, panget hmph. it's all fictional naman noh.

think happy thoughts!

(0) comments Tuesday, April 10, 2007
9:10 PM

the pains of having..

the red flag is up at such an untimely date...i hate this.
so i had to rush to a nearby beloved sari-sari store (the only store here in our street), that store is tended by someone who goes by the name "Ate Neng" (nice sikat...:p). so, i was expecting that she would be the one to sell to me. unfortunately, that wasn't what happened. it turned out, that some of her nieces were having a vacation there and so they help her out with the store.

of course, i couldn't say what i needed and bought chips instead. i went home grumbling, because i don't want those chips anyway but i had to munch on them after all i paid for it.
after eating that bland junk food, i went there again hoping it would be ate neng but it seems that fate is toying with me. again the same guy appeared, i was whispering to my mind "hey asshole, i don't need you, i need ate neng could you get out of here your face irritates me noh! something's dripping down here and i need to buy that stuff immediately!" but i had to act nice so i bought more of that chips. i was getting sick of it since i just ate lunch and i'm still full. after finishing that second batch i decided to give my third try some time. i waited but was feeling uneasy, well you know.

for the third time, i told myself before going that if the same thing happens i'll just buy it anyway. and you know what? again he appeared. real bullshit. however, i couldn't say what i really need. i AGAIN bought the same chips so he mused that "tanghaling tapat chichirya ng chichirya" i just said hehehehe but you should know how much i wanted to raise my finger at him.

i murmured "shit, shit, shit, shit" repeatedly on my way back. how come i couldn't just say what i needed? i think it was kind of embarrassing. i have already spent a lot on those stupid chips but if i'd try for the fourth time and he will be the one to render service to me that would be more embarrassing because he will be suspicious that that was what i really wanted since the beginning. hmph. but i had no choice, this is now or never.haha suspense...

i went there, rang the bell. and ate neng came out, i heaved a deep sigh. such relief. i bought what i needed and left with a big smile on my face.

so what is the pain of having? the fuss, the hassle, the embarrassment, dysmenorrhea(but i don't usually have this during my periods), and that hole in your pocket if you have to keep buying something else when the vendor is not of your same gender. :p

by the way, i would like to apologize for using so much of the cuss words, i'm trying my damnest to minimize the cuss words..next time! pis awt!

think happy thoughts!

failure is a pre-requisite to success

(this post was made last april 6, saved as a draft)

i'm feeling gloomy over a friend who's about to leave because she went over the number of units one can fail and a friend who is so down in the dumps because of a failed mark on one course subject.

i really hate numbers. i really do. anything related to math(trigo, geom, algeb, stat, finance grr) and i hate how numbers can get us depressed. how it can make people feel worthless. it is indeed easy to say that "those are just grades, don't lament over them" but grades do matter honestly. it is not that grades will measure one's being but grades are more of like an evaluation result of yourself. how you fared may also be similar to what have you been doing with your life. i admit i've been through this so many times, this last semester was one hell of a semester and i couldn't be any thankful that at least i made it.

however, i suggest we not let ourselves be manipulated by this numbers. our worth will not be measured by this shit stuff, all this are only for the time being. there's always tomorrow. like how we should always get over our past achievements because time does not stop there, we should also forget our failures and look forward to making up for it. for that i remembered from a poem that i have read when i was still in highschool and what it wants to convey got clear to me just now. the poem reads: "heaven is not reached at a single bound, but we build the ladder by which we rise."

if you are the type who takes everyone as a rival. if you are mr or ms competitive, you should know that not everyone can be on top. if everyone is on top how would we know who's on top? isn't it nice to think that some people who fail is part of the balance of nature. hehe..

it's not really that bad to fail. i already did but i'm back on my feet. after all isn't a very smooth going life too boring? but remember that we can only fail at one thing once and learn from it (ugh cliche huh?) . we can cry over these things but after that we should forget. failures are part of life. if pain makes us feel alive, then failures affirms our existence. yay we're alive!! haha..
(i hope *you* guys could read this..):p

think happy thoughts!

Thursday, April 05, 2007
10:51 AM

"Men are rats, no, they're fleas on rats" - frenchie of grease

kahapon kasi sa sobrang pagiging bored (bored na sa boredom) eh nag reminisce kame ng childhood memories na eventually napunta sa highschool memories. there are so many things that we talked about pero striking yung tungkol sa cr ng boys. i don't get it why they have to be so disgusting? emebeded sa kanilang gender? wtf. anong sense ng paglalagay ng soda bottle, or SANDWICH sa toilet bowl? and why do they have to pee on the floor kung meron namang cubicle? baket kailangang duraan ang doorknob para hindi makalabas ung nasa loob. yeah it's funny, natawa talaga ako sa mga kalokohan na ito pero come to think of it, doesn't this kind of behavior make them illogical.

there's just so many things about guys that are despicable. they still seem to dream that they are superior especially in a patriarchal setting. post-modern na taio, i think women rules na nga eh. unspoken defeat (as if naman may competition), well anyway kasi women are like jacks-of-all-trades. basta there are some guys na beautiful outside but inside? nah. i think guys are all for fun, they are not the type one can count on during downtimes. and they have so many nakakairitang ugali ryt?! sheez. they also have this kind of mentality that you need them when in fact you are better off without them. they need you, not you needing them.

anyway wla lang, just a thought i pondered on. it's so nice to be a girl.

think happy thoughts!

(0) comments Monday, April 02, 2007
12:07 AM

Mind over matter

disclaimer: uber cheesy,i might as well get a grater and start grating myself.

this was a realization made one moonlit sky. electricity went off for an unknown reason, however a boom was heard from afar, and i have to give water to some of our dogs at the backyard. it was dark so i made use of a candle. after doing what i had to do, i walked my way back through the darkness. the ruddy light coming from the candle illuminated my way but i recognized the silver ray of the moon which seems to emit a more powerful light than the candle. i gazed at the wonder of the moon that i forgot i was holding a candle, the meltings of the candle (the paraffin wax i suppose) started dripping continously at my hands. it was very painful of course but i didn't lose grip of the candle, i withstand the pain. why? because i knew all the consequences of letting go of the candle.

..i gues this was me. i am too concerned with consequences. some people become to passive to love and get hurt at the end. yea, at least they have loved but what's the use if there's nothing good for you in return. on one hand, when one is much aware of the consequences of falling and being in love, one'll just have to hold back everything than live complicatedly. if the head dominates the heart (or if you are too righteous, the hypothalamus) then love would be but fleeting memories. the wiser the person gets the harder it is for him/her to find the person to love.

on the other hand, some are just in love with the idea of being in love. the illusion of being in love, missing someone, thinking of someone when after all they are not really in love with the person they just instill in their minds that they are in love. love should be the sole reason for loving, if not then that is not real love (could be infatuation, admiration, obsession, revenge, personal satisfaction, in short selfishness.) i personally think that we do not really need to be with a significant other to be complete, we're already complete after all. we only take significant others to share our complete beings if we they don't come, then we've got nothing to lose.

i do not agree with the philosophers who said that love starts from the feeling of loneliness, then that would be something selfish right? i think it's an attraction of souls. first external attraction, then the attraction of souls and this would go on for some time..:P hahaha my own phenomenology of love, take that Max Scheler hehe..

anyway, being too critical to being in love just makes me impractical or bitter.hehe. filipinos simply loves within a mileu. heck, i don't even really know what i was talking about the whole time. kudos to you reader for being able to come this far, you were able to stand this gibberish post. hehe..

think happy thoughts!

(0) comments